Monday, March 16, 2009

NEWS FLASH from Oakland, California

This NEWS FLASH just came over the wire from Oakland, California and is being widely discussed today on Italy's Rai 3 TV station which broke the story in Rome at 7:00 this morning.

Al Davis
President of the NFL's Oakland Raiders
"I want a piece of this Sicilian bastardo NOW!"

AP, Dateline March 16, 2009, Oakland, CA, story by D.P. Lassen:

Davis Angered by Sicilian Claiming to be
The World's Fastest Football Team Owner

Al Davis, longtime beloved President of the Oakland-Los Angeles-almost Irwindale-Oakland Raiders, was infuriated today over a recent internet report that the fastest owner in all of professioal football is one Davide Giuliano of the Italian Football League's Catania Elephants.

Davis is seen here using an overhead projector to show assembled reporters a typed copy of his personal best 40 yard dash times for each of the last 46 years.  Each reporter was to receive a copy of these times at the end of the Press Conference if the Raider's mimeograph machine was back up and running.  Davis went on to rant that he would take on Giuliano, any place, any time in a race to show the world the Raider's leader's "Committment to Excelence"!

According to Davis' chart, it would be hard to argue against his legitimate 4.36 best in the forty yards dash in 2008, although this is way below Davis' all-time best of 3.97 in 1989.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, claiming that he is as young and fresh as he looks, is rumored to have told reporters in Dallas that he wants a piece of the winner in a match race to be a part of the Opening Day ceremonies of the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium this fall.

Giuliano could not be reached for comment but Elephant players who wished to remain anonymous stood solidly behind their owner saying that "Giuliano is FAST, VERY FAST, even faster than Salvo Persano!"

As Al Davis said in his parting remarks, "JUST WIN BABY!"


Andrew said...

So I pull up the blog and see Al Davis and to my surprise there was not a shot at me, as a Raider fan. I am almost at a loss. By the way, the lawsuit has been filed. The court is planning to hear opening statements after the Kiffin lawsuit has been completed.

George said...

Would I ever take a cheap shot at your Raiders?

Andrew said...

I just wanted to say that as today is St. Patrick's Day the wife and I just watched The Quiet Man and I thought of you. Love you Dad I hope you are having fun over there.

George said...

The Quiet Man is a great way to both celebrate St. Patrick's Day and start a marriage... "Would you like a stick to beat the lovely lady?"